My thoughts have wondered these days. I though about what I returned with from my experience at the silent retreat. It did not take me long to realize what it actually was. This experience has not only given me a new perspective, it gave me a complete new position towards myself and how I treat myself. I am hard for myself, I want to meet expectations that actually no one sets except myself. If I fail, I am ruthless, a big hammer will go through my head and I can mentally hurt myself because I didn’t meet up. But it did not get me anywhere except for a constant feeling of failure as I am not perfect so will always fail.
My experience in the silent retreat has made me look differently at myself. I want to be kind to myself and not be so ridiculously hard & judgmental. I have slowly been able to shift the course of thoughts and realize that I need to be conscious of the negative thoughts and judgments in my head. My goal is to cast loving judgments. Judge them with the idea that it is ok to judge myself as long as I stay kind. By judging myself kindly and loving, I will give myself the opportunity to become the best version of myself, which is what I deserve and truly owe to myself