Tuesday Tunes – Sunshine

The is one of those island-life songs that everyone needs to have stacked in there iPod (or iPhone or Pad, whatever). Spending this last week on this deserted island with little of internet, this music makes me dance and ready to go surf, clean the beach, hunt for coconuts in smaller palm trees and enjoy this epic life I am living. Flight Facilities has a bunch of other song that I love but this one is definitely the one that captures the mood and life I am living right now.

Enjoy this epic Tuesday!!

 

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This Is Me

The acceptance who I really am has been somewhat of a challenge for me. It is a confrontational journey realizing that I will never meet up to my own high expectations of myself. I always needed to be better, faster, smarter, more intelligent, funnier, fitter, more beautiful and everything else that starts with more or ends with –er. The outlook of living my life and  failing to be this “perfect” human being was actually dragging me into a downwards spiral. I did not like myself too much to be honest. On the other side though, I was always able to look at it from the other side. Whatever one side of my brain was telling me, the other side always stayed strong. It remained positive and kept embracing the many opportunities that crossed my path and tried to see life from the bright side even though I found life a pretty hard one. As I chased down perfection, I always knew deep down inside that I deserved better then the view of myself that was deeply imprinted into my head. I fought the hard battle and finally decided to let go, to just let life come to me and accept me for me.

Not soon after this mind-shift, I quit my job. And as my mind shifted further, the perception of how perfect “me” should be, shifted as well. My energy was focused on those qualities that I have and appreciate instead of those that I didn’t have or lacked, those that made me imperfect. It has been a hard road mentally. Changing your attitude towards yourself if you have been actively proofing yourself the opposite for 36 year, will definitely not happen over night.

Luckily, I am gifted with some good old strong will-power, McGyver-like survival mode capacities and a bundle of positivity that gave and still give me strength to really love and live my life. Embracing everything that enters my path, worked hard without complaints, surround myself with amazing people and always keep smiling. Yes smiling heals.

It is this time of the year that I always look back in awe on how much I have grown from the head person that I was into someone that can really feel. The road I travelled makes me miss my dearest friends and family but for me it was a necessary step to really be me. It is beyond my own imagination that I am able to proudly say This Is Me, the wandering, full of energy, jaw-hurting smiling, wave hunting, hard working, smoothie making, apple loving, good set of brains equipped, die-hard loyal, never complaining, beanie making, travel addicted natural beautiful ME. The perfect imperfect ME.

 

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Confrontation Necesitas

Normally, I am the kind of person that is pretty straight forward when people treat me bad. Literally, if you stab me in the back, if you screw me over or if you take advantage of my loyalty, you are out. I will confront you, get it out of my system and then you are out. It works well for me because, I just do not want and need people in my life that are not genuine. I treat people the way I would like to be treated, it’s an expectation that I find reasonable within friendships and even business relations. Over the past years I did become a bit more forgiving though. Every one is only human and should deserve a 2nd chance. Fuck, I also need 2nd chances sometimes. Nevertheless, there is always a scar and memory in the back of my head, so regaining real trust is not working out that well.

A couple of months ago, I got ripped off really badly, I trusted someone and in some way I was a bit naïve, but surely I never expected to be treated like I was. Once it happened and there was no communication anymore, just because the person in question did not reply anymore, I first just walked away. His actions had quite a bit of impact though, I felt horrible just because I never was able to confront him. He just got away with it. 1 week ago I saw that he was in his office and in the blur of the moment, I turned my bike around and just went in. It was the best feeling ever, to just get it out. To tell him how he fucked up and fucked me over, to see how he felt cornered and maybe/probably even ambushed. It solved my own feelings ,where I blamed myself for the situation he brought me into. It was eating away in my mind and just because of that confrontation I was able to put the whole occurrence in the closet, throw the key away and move forward. Cheers to confrontations and just get it out there, try it yourself.

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Whatever Day Tunes – Rumour Mill

I know, I know, it is not Tuesday, so we are going for a tune that literally is the Whatever-Day Tune. This one got introduced to me last week and it keeps me cruising, dancing, laughing, singing and all other stuff that ends with -ing. Rudimental, THANKS!!!

Have an epic day.

Dust Clears

It’s a one of those days. Where all stuff comes together. You talk to your bestie in Holland, you reminisce, think everything through and again there is just one conclusion: all just freakin’ works. I am content and happy in my general state of mind. My dust is clearing.

Driving through the outskirts of Denpasar with Clean Bandit’s “Dust Clears” pumping through my headphones and it just gives me goose bumps. I live the life I want. It is not perfect yet but hey I know that it will never will. I can only try to make it as perfect as I deserve it to be. Life has thrown some serious stuff (aka shit) at me, I am fighting to make it all work, but the biggest change is that this fight is not every day anymore. And that is why this song just almost makes me cry. Sometimes it just fells as if it gets harder but, like the lyrics say, it is just because you restarted. And trust me, I totally restarted my life, my entire life. I re-boothed my systems and am learning to love my life and more importantly learn and experience to love me. Embracing the fact that I am an awesome human being, that I am pretty successful in how I want to be successful. Again, it can all be better. I could be healthier, I could be more loving to me instead of others, I could stop worrying, but in the end, I am doing a pretty good job in changing the old setting and living my life. I am healthy because I love me, because I make decisions that are good for me and because I can not be bothered about other people’s opinion. The realization that my situation was not getting anywhere back at home (again those lyrics), and that I had the courage to just pack my bags and go, see whatever happens, that is what gives me goose bumps. That you, and only you have the power to do that. That there will always be things that you want to adjust or love to see different, leave it there, it will come when it comes. For now it is pretty damn ok.

My dust is clearing and really I would love to invite you to look at your own life and see how much dust is still hanging over there that needs to start moving into another direction.

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Like An Addict – An Aquaholic

It’s 3;30 pm, I am finished for today. Fuck Yeah, I think will be able to make it.  I calculate and move my way through the outskirts of Denpasar towards Uluwatu. Time flies in Bali but I am sure that it’s possible. I think I do. Come on people, move faster and don’t freak me out by honking your horn every occasion you get. My watch is checked every 10 minutes, almost home, almost home. The thought of not making it, makes me cringe., sick to my stomach, almost desperate. I need this, I really need and want this. And there it is, that last corner before I enter the gate to my house. I grab my stuff and head down. 5 more minutes and I will be ok, the craving is almost unbearable. Four more steps and I will get my fix. Before I know it,I  hit the sand and there it is. This big ocean that I can call my backyard. As soon as my board and I punch through those first waves to get out, my restlessness evaporates.

The ocean is my sanctuary. Surfing is my addiction. The sun heads down and I am surrounded by blue water and quite a bit of jelly-fish. Can’t be bothered though.I got my shot:  I got my waves, I got my salty ocean, I got myself, I am free.

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Inspiration & Wandering Soul Pur Sang

It’s Throwing-It Back-Tuesday-time. I wanted to just dedicate this post to my partner-in-crime Steffie. We started TWS to share our wandering adventures a bit more than a 1 ½ year ago. Heaps has changed since that more-than-a-year, but we are where we need to be, where we want to be.

Steffie you are an inspiration to many, i am definitely not the only one. You have managed to set up your own Rooftop-yoga classes in Hong Kong  and encourage & coach people to live the life they deserve. The life they dream of but feel to restricted to live.. That is a present for those that cross you on their path. For me you are 1 huge inspiration, and that will never change wherever our journeys take us. We have our common grounds, our souls, our passions. For us it will definitely include Yoga, Surf and Coconuts. We both want to become the best versions of ourselves, different paths, different journeys, different challenges, and hey…we are growing as human beings and more and more happy at the place where we are today.

Steffie, love ya to the moon and back!! You’re a wandering soul pur sang and try to get everything out of each day. What I treasure most is the fact that we accept our differences, that we are both on this different journey called life. Fuck yeah, how awesome is that. That I have friends like you around me that accept you as being you and support you to follow your dreams and live life to the fullest. Love ya and wish you everything you wish for.

The Wandering Souls