Adventure

SOMEBODY, JUST NOT ANYBODY

In a nutshell, according to the standard old-fashioned way of how lives should be lived, I probably, most definitely, am way off track. Where my friends from Uni are trying to get their 4th kid out of diapers, I try to get barreled. Where they are thinking about 300m2 houses to accommodate the kids, the 2 cars, the jacuzzi, the trampoline and of course the dog, I live in a shared house without any hot water. Where they think about pensions, I calculated that I have enough money until I die, but then that should actually happen next Wednesday. My decision to choose the word old-fashioned is not completely fair though. It is their way of how they want to live their life, what they feel comfortable with, which values they have and what their priorities are. My priorities and needs just take a 360 degree different view on it.

For a 36-year old though, what most intrigues me though is relationships. Not only because each freakin’ day there is someone wondering why I am still single. It is mainly that I don’t understand why I witness relationships that in my opinion would not be worth sitting in. Just and only for the sake of being in a relationship, these couples just stay together and annoy the f%^# out of each other. Even though I also see relationships that do work really well and are inspirational for me, I feel for those that stay together because their fear of being alone is bigger than the hassle of the daily adaptation to someone that they do not love completely

The time has passed that I thought that I did not deserve love and I was “un-loveable”. That there was always someone better, prettier, faster, more intelligent or anything else with more or –er in front of it. I do believe that love in its most pure and natural form is out there for me. My needs are not far-fetched, I want somebody that knows he wants to be with me with all that comes with it. However I pass for just anybody. I know what I want but more importantly I know what I need. Not only for relationships but for my life as a whole. My needs are to be grounded & balanced, have an amazing time, if someone connects with me and wants to join me on this journey, come and join me. If not, I am happy to continue by myself.

So, even though I am where I am and my life does not meet perfect on that “old-fashioned”-view on the relationship-scale. I am more than content. I am surrounded by amazingly inspiring friends (some close some further away), I work hard, I smile, stay healthy, surf and try to be the best version of me. There is no biological clock that is capable to take that away from me or detour me with thoughts that I should do anything differently. Because I believe that stuff (yes just really stuff) happens for a reason. That we are on this earth just to follow the path that it has lined up for us and mine just doesn’t direct me into a boring relationship settling for less just because I hit an age where I am supposed to ensure that I don’t miss the family-boat. With my full soul, I believe that, that somebody is there. It will only not be just anybody.

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That Feeling

That feeling of not knowing where you are going to end up, not knowing who you are going to meet (and whether you will understand them), the anticipation of something new.

That feeling of the unexpected, the unknown and letting-go. That is what wandering is to me. Either alone or with a bunch of friends. That feeling of adventure and uncertainty. Taking the jump into this ocean of possibilities and being flexible, yup you always need flexibility. Trusting my core instincts that helped me out on numerous occasions: Stranded with my single person tent at the Chobe river in Botswana in the late afternoon, being lost in down-town LA, flat tires in the middle of Namibian desert, hanging with oil-sheiks on a really big boat in Ibiza and being held under by a (for me) monstrous wave. My instincts were always right to trust that everything in the end will be all right

That feeling of not knowing what is hid around the corner and wanting, really wanting to find out what is out there, is a feeling that I have had since I was born. It will not leave me, it is stuck and deeply rooted in my being. That feeling makes me addicted to travelling, wandering and exploring. Meeting new inspiring people, inhaling a new culture, watching insanely beautiful sunsets from the ocean while surfing incredible waves.

That feeling is something I will strive for over and over again

That feeling is my life.

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Dust Clears

It’s a one of those days. Where all stuff comes together. You talk to your bestie in Holland, you reminisce, think everything through and again there is just one conclusion: all just freakin’ works. I am content and happy in my general state of mind. My dust is clearing.

Driving through the outskirts of Denpasar with Clean Bandit’s “Dust Clears” pumping through my headphones and it just gives me goose bumps. I live the life I want. It is not perfect yet but hey I know that it will never will. I can only try to make it as perfect as I deserve it to be. Life has thrown some serious stuff (aka shit) at me, I am fighting to make it all work, but the biggest change is that this fight is not every day anymore. And that is why this song just almost makes me cry. Sometimes it just fells as if it gets harder but, like the lyrics say, it is just because you restarted. And trust me, I totally restarted my life, my entire life. I re-boothed my systems and am learning to love my life and more importantly learn and experience to love me. Embracing the fact that I am an awesome human being, that I am pretty successful in how I want to be successful. Again, it can all be better. I could be healthier, I could be more loving to me instead of others, I could stop worrying, but in the end, I am doing a pretty good job in changing the old setting and living my life. I am healthy because I love me, because I make decisions that are good for me and because I can not be bothered about other people’s opinion. The realization that my situation was not getting anywhere back at home (again those lyrics), and that I had the courage to just pack my bags and go, see whatever happens, that is what gives me goose bumps. That you, and only you have the power to do that. That there will always be things that you want to adjust or love to see different, leave it there, it will come when it comes. For now it is pretty damn ok.

My dust is clearing and really I would love to invite you to look at your own life and see how much dust is still hanging over there that needs to start moving into another direction.

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Solving The Annoyed State of Mind

Long days of cruising down the roads in Bali.. From factory to fabric market, from my beanie hero back to another factory. It sounds sexier than it actually is though. Full on traffic, bikes crossing from left to right, the occasional gravel and let’s not forget the water and construction trucks that bombard their way through the streets. The other day I noticed that I was just really tired and agitated so since I was too late for a surf I decided to get a massage. The luxury of staying here is that a € 4,50 massage of an hour will fit your budget quite easily. So off I went.

My state of mind was weird. Like really weird, I was happy to have had quite the fruitful day of meetings but I was also angry. No idea where my anger was targeted at but it was rather uncomfortable. A massage would make it all better, right??. But nah, it became one of the strangest massage-experiences I ever had. The girl was in a rush and if you are half-naked on a table with rushed hands on your back, you feel awkward.. Her nails dug into my arms, my tiny bum, my legs and I actually almost feared open wounds. Luckily, she dumped such an enormous amount of oil on me that her nails and knuckles could not find grip onto my sun-kissed skin.

It was actually hilarious, now I look at it on hindsight. Every time she started with a new body-part, my anticipation of what this body-part would experience decreased. I just wanted it to be over with. The poor girl. Really, I should not have been on that table. I was just too tired and my head was running race-tracks with thoughts. I could not relax and the girls massage approach literally left me with such annoyance that my state of mind was probably even worse than before I stepped foot into that “spa”. My lesson was learned, I should have listened to my own state of mind and just drive home and take a dip in the ocean, just get salty. That is my cure of understanding what is happening in my head. The ocean literally soothes my soul and thinking massages would do the trick was clearly an illusion.On Tha Road

Don’t Do What Makes You Unhappy

“Do What Makes You Happy”: Quite the mainstream quote and to be honest it confuses me. When I look at my own life there are so many things and activities that make me happy, there is not 1 specific thing. So I rather turn it around because otherwise my head starts spinning and I end up doing probably nothing because I can’t make a decision. My motto really needs to be: “Don’t do what makes you unhappy”. It makes more sense for me because I will just be left with the good stuff (and heaps of them). For me that entails that I have to stop putting effort into work, people, activities that are just draining energy. Why would I continue to put effort into a relationship or friendship where it actually only comes from 1 side? Why would I continue to work for someone that just makes me feel incapable? I consider myself as being genuine, someone who treats people how I would like to be treated and definitely someone that works hard (and plays harder).

So my decision is to start follow this motto and refuse to do things that take more energy than I get from it. It is enlightening actually, without becoming to poetical. The fact remains that I (and you) are always in control, I control who I hang out with, who I work for and what I do each day. Everyone is different so also each person’s definition of “happiness”. By staying true to your own definition and to what doesn’t make you happy, it feels like a big load of negativity instantly evaporates in this clear blue and sunny sky.

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The Lucky One

It’s not often that I politically express my feelings. I just think and feel that everyone should have their own opinion even though I consider them to be ignorant, have bad taste or just lack of a minimum level of intelligence. But wow, I am shocked and stunned about the reactions of some of my fellow “westerners” expressed when another boat sunk with hundreds and hundreds of refugees on it searching for freedom and safety. We are the lucky ones.

Shame on you people that judge without compassion:

  • When you book your last-minute holiday to the Costa Del Sol to binge on alcohol where some people need to get on a boat filled with people hoping to arrive somewhere that has running water.
  • When you are unsatisfied with your life after coming back from your boring job, while some people have no house to go home to anymore.
  • When you complain about a little BBQ of your neighbors while someone else needs earplugs to reduce the noise of flying bullets and bombs .
  • When you bring your kid to school, while somebody on the other side of the world has no school to bring their kids to.
  • When you are pretending to look for a job while receiving welfare from your government.
  • When you hassle your way into a bargain excursion, while others had to spend their last money to get on a boat that was already full.

I, and many others, have choices and in principle can live life the way we want. It is shocking to me that people forget how good our life is and randomly express their ignorant opinion where they just have no fokkin’ clue what they are talking about. The opportunities we have, the choices and most importantly the freedom, is something not everyone has. We are not to judge, we are to be compassionate because we are the ones that are born in better circumstances just by pure, plain and simple luck. This is what I will remain telling myself when I witness another mesmerizing sunset in Bali. I am the lucky one.

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One Year – One Epic Year

It’s been a year. An entire year, and fuck how fast did that one go, I do not even know where to start.most important was that I failed and got back up, I failed again and got back up again, I laughed my eyes out, I cried those same eyes out as well, I met incredible people and I literally surfed my ass off (even though it was already non-existent). In short, I have never regretted my decision. I love it here, I can be my own entrepreneur, the leader of me and grow my brand. But most importantly, grow as a person. The best version of me, a healthy, happy me.

I am going back home today for a couple of weeks. I have mixed feelings because I just don’t want to leave but on the other hand I just can’t wait to:

  • Meet my little niece Jikke, whom I saw but never met
  • Hug my sis, drink wine and enjoy our awesome conversation in real life
  • Take my other little princess to the beach and search for crabs and shells (and give her her long awaited birthday present)
  • Hug my besties whom I have missed heaps. Finally I can be there in person for them

Life is awesome. It’s an epic continuous journey where I climbed hills & mountains and fell into valleys & ravines this past year. No regrets, only lessons learned. Work hard to play harder. You only have one of it, this thing called life. Looking back is not an option, just head full speed ahead, you never know if you don’t try. See you soon Holland. Will be right back Bali

One Year - One Epic One