Dream

SOMEBODY, JUST NOT ANYBODY

In a nutshell, according to the standard old-fashioned way of how lives should be lived, I probably, most definitely, am way off track. Where my friends from Uni are trying to get their 4th kid out of diapers, I try to get barreled. Where they are thinking about 300m2 houses to accommodate the kids, the 2 cars, the jacuzzi, the trampoline and of course the dog, I live in a shared house without any hot water. Where they think about pensions, I calculated that I have enough money until I die, but then that should actually happen next Wednesday. My decision to choose the word old-fashioned is not completely fair though. It is their way of how they want to live their life, what they feel comfortable with, which values they have and what their priorities are. My priorities and needs just take a 360 degree different view on it.

For a 36-year old though, what most intrigues me though is relationships. Not only because each freakin’ day there is someone wondering why I am still single. It is mainly that I don’t understand why I witness relationships that in my opinion would not be worth sitting in. Just and only for the sake of being in a relationship, these couples just stay together and annoy the f%^# out of each other. Even though I also see relationships that do work really well and are inspirational for me, I feel for those that stay together because their fear of being alone is bigger than the hassle of the daily adaptation to someone that they do not love completely

The time has passed that I thought that I did not deserve love and I was “un-loveable”. That there was always someone better, prettier, faster, more intelligent or anything else with more or –er in front of it. I do believe that love in its most pure and natural form is out there for me. My needs are not far-fetched, I want somebody that knows he wants to be with me with all that comes with it. However I pass for just anybody. I know what I want but more importantly I know what I need. Not only for relationships but for my life as a whole. My needs are to be grounded & balanced, have an amazing time, if someone connects with me and wants to join me on this journey, come and join me. If not, I am happy to continue by myself.

So, even though I am where I am and my life does not meet perfect on that “old-fashioned”-view on the relationship-scale. I am more than content. I am surrounded by amazingly inspiring friends (some close some further away), I work hard, I smile, stay healthy, surf and try to be the best version of me. There is no biological clock that is capable to take that away from me or detour me with thoughts that I should do anything differently. Because I believe that stuff (yes just really stuff) happens for a reason. That we are on this earth just to follow the path that it has lined up for us and mine just doesn’t direct me into a boring relationship settling for less just because I hit an age where I am supposed to ensure that I don’t miss the family-boat. With my full soul, I believe that, that somebody is there. It will only not be just anybody.

anne-8
Advertisements

Multi-Interpretable Dream Life

An often received and well-meant comment I get is that I am living the dream. This expression though is so multi-interpretable for me that I don’t even think people realize the exact content of their own words.

This mainly because my life is really not a dream. For me it is the most tangible state of being where I really try to stay close to what I want with my life. I chose to chase what my core desires, instead of what the outer-core expects. But I had to sacrifice being close to my family and friends and jump into  this big black hole called uncertainty.

The reality of it is, is that my life is just not a dream. Even though it is now featured on a pretty damn good location, it might even be more real life than anyone else’s, because I have to do it all alone. My life is mine and yours is yours. Each life is different, lived, loved, hurt and contaminated by multiple (good and bad). Each life, is infused with a good mixture of nature-nurture, throw into this mixture some different choices, or possibly heaps, and there you go: the result is different people. You and me, different. So my life might seem like a dream to you but do you really dream of my life or do you just flirt with the idea.

Next to that, I literally always brought myself with me. My problems, struggles, challenges always tagged along. Everyone will experience this while moving somewhere else, really moving not holiday-ing for 1/2 a year. So those valleys I faced as a person always remained the same. Living in a country where it is chronically warm helps. A good dose of vitamin D and sea works well for me. You might need something else but for me surfing and warm weather makes my life complete. But to remain on topic, my life is not a dream life. Money still needs to march in, in some kind of way, my insecurities still need to be swept away, love still has not flown itself into my arms and my family and best friends are still on the other side of this world.

But I live my life, I follow my instincts and chase my dreams. Those are the “dreams” though. What are yours??

Processed with Rookie Cam

That was almost like a dream

Dust Clears

It’s a one of those days. Where all stuff comes together. You talk to your bestie in Holland, you reminisce, think everything through and again there is just one conclusion: all just freakin’ works. I am content and happy in my general state of mind. My dust is clearing.

Driving through the outskirts of Denpasar with Clean Bandit’s “Dust Clears” pumping through my headphones and it just gives me goose bumps. I live the life I want. It is not perfect yet but hey I know that it will never will. I can only try to make it as perfect as I deserve it to be. Life has thrown some serious stuff (aka shit) at me, I am fighting to make it all work, but the biggest change is that this fight is not every day anymore. And that is why this song just almost makes me cry. Sometimes it just fells as if it gets harder but, like the lyrics say, it is just because you restarted. And trust me, I totally restarted my life, my entire life. I re-boothed my systems and am learning to love my life and more importantly learn and experience to love me. Embracing the fact that I am an awesome human being, that I am pretty successful in how I want to be successful. Again, it can all be better. I could be healthier, I could be more loving to me instead of others, I could stop worrying, but in the end, I am doing a pretty good job in changing the old setting and living my life. I am healthy because I love me, because I make decisions that are good for me and because I can not be bothered about other people’s opinion. The realization that my situation was not getting anywhere back at home (again those lyrics), and that I had the courage to just pack my bags and go, see whatever happens, that is what gives me goose bumps. That you, and only you have the power to do that. That there will always be things that you want to adjust or love to see different, leave it there, it will come when it comes. For now it is pretty damn ok.

My dust is clearing and really I would love to invite you to look at your own life and see how much dust is still hanging over there that needs to start moving into another direction.

IMG_8332

Like An Addict – An Aquaholic

It’s 3;30 pm, I am finished for today. Fuck Yeah, I think will be able to make it.  I calculate and move my way through the outskirts of Denpasar towards Uluwatu. Time flies in Bali but I am sure that it’s possible. I think I do. Come on people, move faster and don’t freak me out by honking your horn every occasion you get. My watch is checked every 10 minutes, almost home, almost home. The thought of not making it, makes me cringe., sick to my stomach, almost desperate. I need this, I really need and want this. And there it is, that last corner before I enter the gate to my house. I grab my stuff and head down. 5 more minutes and I will be ok, the craving is almost unbearable. Four more steps and I will get my fix. Before I know it,I  hit the sand and there it is. This big ocean that I can call my backyard. As soon as my board and I punch through those first waves to get out, my restlessness evaporates.

The ocean is my sanctuary. Surfing is my addiction. The sun heads down and I am surrounded by blue water and quite a bit of jelly-fish. Can’t be bothered though.I got my shot:  I got my waves, I got my salty ocean, I got myself, I am free.

My Addiction

The Lucky One

It’s not often that I politically express my feelings. I just think and feel that everyone should have their own opinion even though I consider them to be ignorant, have bad taste or just lack of a minimum level of intelligence. But wow, I am shocked and stunned about the reactions of some of my fellow “westerners” expressed when another boat sunk with hundreds and hundreds of refugees on it searching for freedom and safety. We are the lucky ones.

Shame on you people that judge without compassion:

  • When you book your last-minute holiday to the Costa Del Sol to binge on alcohol where some people need to get on a boat filled with people hoping to arrive somewhere that has running water.
  • When you are unsatisfied with your life after coming back from your boring job, while some people have no house to go home to anymore.
  • When you complain about a little BBQ of your neighbors while someone else needs earplugs to reduce the noise of flying bullets and bombs .
  • When you bring your kid to school, while somebody on the other side of the world has no school to bring their kids to.
  • When you are pretending to look for a job while receiving welfare from your government.
  • When you hassle your way into a bargain excursion, while others had to spend their last money to get on a boat that was already full.

I, and many others, have choices and in principle can live life the way we want. It is shocking to me that people forget how good our life is and randomly express their ignorant opinion where they just have no fokkin’ clue what they are talking about. The opportunities we have, the choices and most importantly the freedom, is something not everyone has. We are not to judge, we are to be compassionate because we are the ones that are born in better circumstances just by pure, plain and simple luck. This is what I will remain telling myself when I witness another mesmerizing sunset in Bali. I am the lucky one.

Tales-Wandering-Souls-Surf-Yoga_Coconuts-The-Lucky-ONes

One Year – One Epic Year

It’s been a year. An entire year, and fuck how fast did that one go, I do not even know where to start.most important was that I failed and got back up, I failed again and got back up again, I laughed my eyes out, I cried those same eyes out as well, I met incredible people and I literally surfed my ass off (even though it was already non-existent). In short, I have never regretted my decision. I love it here, I can be my own entrepreneur, the leader of me and grow my brand. But most importantly, grow as a person. The best version of me, a healthy, happy me.

I am going back home today for a couple of weeks. I have mixed feelings because I just don’t want to leave but on the other hand I just can’t wait to:

  • Meet my little niece Jikke, whom I saw but never met
  • Hug my sis, drink wine and enjoy our awesome conversation in real life
  • Take my other little princess to the beach and search for crabs and shells (and give her her long awaited birthday present)
  • Hug my besties whom I have missed heaps. Finally I can be there in person for them

Life is awesome. It’s an epic continuous journey where I climbed hills & mountains and fell into valleys & ravines this past year. No regrets, only lessons learned. Work hard to play harder. You only have one of it, this thing called life. Looking back is not an option, just head full speed ahead, you never know if you don’t try. See you soon Holland. Will be right back Bali

One Year - One Epic One

My Own Mandala

The thought to get my own mandala has been floating in my mind for a while now. But why a mandala is what my mom would ask? A mandala has different meanings. It is a geometric figure and derives from Hindu and Buddhist symbolism representing the universe. It is also a symbol in a dream, representing the dream’s search for completeness and self unity. And that is exactly the path I am on. Life for me is just one big journey and I want to get everything out of it. I want to feel complete in a way that is not forceful. I am not too floaty, I barely mediate as it is just not my thing, I do ocean and surfing, I like theories, straight forward stuff. But I do believe that I have this one life, a life that needs to be lived and if I have hit speed bumps, pot holes  or any other kind of obstacle that make this journey more difficult, I don’t want to ignore it. I want to make sure that I grab this era called “life” to overcome those obstacles. And that is why I want to have a mandala. it represents the journey I am on  right now.

Luckily, I am blessed to have this amazing friend that is an incredible drawer. She works with a pen and points and with just some small directions she created this mandala for me. The result is really one of the most beautiful things I could carry with me for the rest of my life.

Tales-Wandering-Souls-Surf-Yoga-cocnuts-OurPlayground-Inspiration-My-Own-Mandala