It’s a one of those days. Where all stuff comes together. You talk to your bestie in Holland, you reminisce, think everything through and again there is just one conclusion: all just freakin’ works. I am content and happy in my general state of mind. My dust is clearing.
Driving through the outskirts of Denpasar with Clean Bandit’s “Dust Clears” pumping through my headphones and it just gives me goose bumps. I live the life I want. It is not perfect yet but hey I know that it will never will. I can only try to make it as perfect as I deserve it to be. Life has thrown some serious stuff (aka shit) at me, I am fighting to make it all work, but the biggest change is that this fight is not every day anymore. And that is why this song just almost makes me cry. Sometimes it just fells as if it gets harder but, like the lyrics say, it is just because you restarted. And trust me, I totally restarted my life, my entire life. I re-boothed my systems and am learning to love my life and more importantly learn and experience to love me. Embracing the fact that I am an awesome human being, that I am pretty successful in how I want to be successful. Again, it can all be better. I could be healthier, I could be more loving to me instead of others, I could stop worrying, but in the end, I am doing a pretty good job in changing the old setting and living my life. I am healthy because I love me, because I make decisions that are good for me and because I can not be bothered about other people’s opinion. The realization that my situation was not getting anywhere back at home (again those lyrics), and that I had the courage to just pack my bags and go, see whatever happens, that is what gives me goose bumps. That you, and only you have the power to do that. That there will always be things that you want to adjust or love to see different, leave it there, it will come when it comes. For now it is pretty damn ok.
My dust is clearing and really I would love to invite you to look at your own life and see how much dust is still hanging over there that needs to start moving into another direction.
Long days of cruising down the roads in Bali.. From factory to fabric market, from my beanie hero back to another factory. It sounds sexier than it actually is though. Full on traffic, bikes crossing from left to right, the occasional gravel and let’s not forget the water and construction trucks that bombard their way through the streets. The other day I noticed that I was just really tired and agitated so since I was too late for a surf I decided to get a massage. The luxury of staying here is that a € 4,50 massage of an hour will fit your budget quite easily. So off I went.
My state of mind was weird. Like really weird, I was happy to have had quite the fruitful day of meetings but I was also angry. No idea where my anger was targeted at but it was rather uncomfortable. A massage would make it all better, right??. But nah, it became one of the strangest massage-experiences I ever had. The girl was in a rush and if you are half-naked on a table with rushed hands on your back, you feel awkward.. Her nails dug into my arms, my tiny bum, my legs and I actually almost feared open wounds. Luckily, she dumped such an enormous amount of oil on me that her nails and knuckles could not find grip onto my sun-kissed skin.
It was actually hilarious, now I look at it on hindsight. Every time she started with a new body-part, my anticipation of what this body-part would experience decreased. I just wanted it to be over with. The poor girl. Really, I should not have been on that table. I was just too tired and my head was running race-tracks with thoughts. I could not relax and the girls massage approach literally left me with such annoyance that my state of mind was probably even worse than before I stepped foot into that “spa”. My lesson was learned, I should have listened to my own state of mind and just drive home and take a dip in the ocean, just get salty. That is my cure of understanding what is happening in my head. The ocean literally soothes my soul and thinking massages would do the trick was clearly an illusion.
JUSTICE, damn I could really not pick my favourite but this one probably tops the list. It gives me goose-bups because where are you without friends. I am blessed to have many and can surround myself with some really really really good friends. Those that listen, those that give advice, those that are there whatever happens. Some a bit further away than preferred, some close. Old friends and new friends, those you are still getting to know but even more so but nonetheless value heaps. So therefore this song for the Tuesday Tunes, because friends are really really awesome!!
Emotions can be so overwhelming some times, it is actually not weird that we are almost programmed to ignore them, put them away instead of actually feeling and embracing them. The other day, I saw this hugely inspiring 2 minute video that explained pretty clearly what we actually do when we depress emotions like grief, anger & envy. It transforms grief into depression, anger into rage and envy into jealousy. And that is when we loose control. I cannot control depression, I can control grief. I can control anger but I cannot control rage. And of course envy, I can control that emotion but I cannot control jealousy.
So just ask yourself what would happen if you just let go? As all these emotions are really natural. In the end it is exactly what this short little video promotes. The key is not to stop feeling, it is to start.
You have heard me talking about letting it all go. But how do you do it? How do I do it? How can you change a planning-structered-what-is-gonna-happen-next girl into a completely-go-with-the-flow person. I have managed, yes I have struggled and still encounter some challenges but I am doing pretty well to be honest.
One way that really helped me to take each day at a time and see where it will bring me is to look at everything as a potential. Not a fact, not a way-how-it-should-go but just a potential. This makes planning superfluous. It gives space for all those awesome things that can, might and/or could happen. I noticed that by embracing this way of looking at my own journey it allows me to really let it go. Yes life is really one epic ride, one awesome potential.
A week has almost passed and here I am. I am in Australia. A country I actually never wanted to visit because I was too afraid that I would like it too much and would not want to leave anymore. And I was right. Western Australia is absolute heaven for me. It reminds me of a mixture of Seignosse (France) and Santa Cruz. It is green, it is surf, it is laid-back and it is young. My stay in Bingin was good while it lasted and I realize now that getting of the island of the gods for a while is refreshing. New surroundings, beautiful people and an overall sense that all things come together here.
So here I am, completely new, fresh and full of energy and loving my life. I definitely want to go back to Bali but sure do love it over here and will enjoy every second of it.