Emotion

Sun behind the Cyclone

Without being too dramatic, I think I nearly reached the point of breaking. Nope, I am not breaking down, but literally some stuff can just be too much to handle. The always-ironic element when you are hitting a rough path though is that it all comes smashing down at once. It is not the preferable route of letting you catch a breath after an impact and head on to the next fight. Nope, it literally comes gushing down like a rain shower during Bali’s rainy season. You see it coming and you brace yourself and put your boxing gloves on to defend yourself but then the ambush of occurrences just overwhelms you and there is  nowhere to hide.

So what do you do? What do I do. To be honest, I am not too sure. I like to take my heart out of it and count on my head. That makes it tangible, visible and I can clearly think of next steps and solutions. I hold onto that engraved knowledge that it will not kill me, time will pass and it will make me stronger. On the other hand though, you cannot push emotions aside. The emotional defeat of being ambushed by a thunderstorm of negativity just wears you down. Being so tired of fighting, that you just want to pull out and admit your defeat. Funnily enough though, I can’t do that either. I can not give up, that is not part of my genes so there is a contradiction between my head and my heart and the electric short circuit that is ignited between the 2 of these when trying to walk the rough path, or actually paths. So what do I do. I take a deep breath, I go on, talk about trying not to sound like a broken record and again go on, smile, cry and breath again. Knowing and trusting that each dark cloud will be followed by sunshine, even if it the most terrifying cyclone you have ever experienced.

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