Healthy

SOMEBODY, JUST NOT ANYBODY

In a nutshell, according to the standard old-fashioned way of how lives should be lived, I probably, most definitely, am way off track. Where my friends from Uni are trying to get their 4th kid out of diapers, I try to get barreled. Where they are thinking about 300m2 houses to accommodate the kids, the 2 cars, the jacuzzi, the trampoline and of course the dog, I live in a shared house without any hot water. Where they think about pensions, I calculated that I have enough money until I die, but then that should actually happen next Wednesday. My decision to choose the word old-fashioned is not completely fair though. It is their way of how they want to live their life, what they feel comfortable with, which values they have and what their priorities are. My priorities and needs just take a 360 degree different view on it.

For a 36-year old though, what most intrigues me though is relationships. Not only because each freakin’ day there is someone wondering why I am still single. It is mainly that I don’t understand why I witness relationships that in my opinion would not be worth sitting in. Just and only for the sake of being in a relationship, these couples just stay together and annoy the f%^# out of each other. Even though I also see relationships that do work really well and are inspirational for me, I feel for those that stay together because their fear of being alone is bigger than the hassle of the daily adaptation to someone that they do not love completely

The time has passed that I thought that I did not deserve love and I was “un-loveable”. That there was always someone better, prettier, faster, more intelligent or anything else with more or –er in front of it. I do believe that love in its most pure and natural form is out there for me. My needs are not far-fetched, I want somebody that knows he wants to be with me with all that comes with it. However I pass for just anybody. I know what I want but more importantly I know what I need. Not only for relationships but for my life as a whole. My needs are to be grounded & balanced, have an amazing time, if someone connects with me and wants to join me on this journey, come and join me. If not, I am happy to continue by myself.

So, even though I am where I am and my life does not meet perfect on that “old-fashioned”-view on the relationship-scale. I am more than content. I am surrounded by amazingly inspiring friends (some close some further away), I work hard, I smile, stay healthy, surf and try to be the best version of me. There is no biological clock that is capable to take that away from me or detour me with thoughts that I should do anything differently. Because I believe that stuff (yes just really stuff) happens for a reason. That we are on this earth just to follow the path that it has lined up for us and mine just doesn’t direct me into a boring relationship settling for less just because I hit an age where I am supposed to ensure that I don’t miss the family-boat. With my full soul, I believe that, that somebody is there. It will only not be just anybody.

anne-8
Advertisements

Healthy Human

Lately, I have been diving more and more into food and then mainly nutrition. I want to make sure that my body gets what it needs, what it desires and what it helps to perform. People that really know me, know I am not the foodie, I drink Coke, I smoke, I like a nice glass of wine.In general though, it is a functional “exercise” for me to nurture myself in the “healthiest way” so it allows me to surf, feel energised/well and again surf. Of course, I eat what I like but I am the kind of person that can eat the same thing week after week, just because it serves me well and I can’t be too bothered.

What I have noticed though is that there is quite a health-mania going on and to start with, it confuses the hell out of me. One day, soy milk is the best thing you can squall down and the other day it is somewhere close to the illegal-narcotics lists. This confusion aside, the most important realisation has been, how people literally create this direct link between diet/food/exercise and being healthy. And I just think that is not the truth. Health is not a stand alone state of being. It covers more than just food and exercise, it is definitely physical but it includes a whole lot of psychological as well.

In my opinion smashing down goji-berries, quinoa, spirulina and raw food while flushing it down with coconut water, will not make you the healthiest person on this planet (note that I do all of the above). There is always a psychological aspect that is a big part of being “healthy”. Again, I am the last person that would disagree that food and eating healthy are a main part of being healthy and eventually happy. But I really dislike the single focus on this.I believe that being healthy in a physical way wil not immediately make you healthy and happy in your head.

You and I will not become only healthy people just by becoming a doppelganger of a fitness model that eats raw and exercises more than a normal person can fit in their calendar. First of all you don’t know them. Secondly, you don’t know how they sleep, their worries, their despairs and their struggles..They might be the healthiest in terms of fat-percentage but the unhappiest in personal, sociological development. I know people that are the healthiest on paper but the unhappiest in real life. And the other way around, I also know people drinking, smoking, not exercising and all that would be forbidden on the how-to-be-healthy-check-list but they will probably outlive the ones that have to run into the gym every day. Of course, I also know heaps of people in between.

This post is not to distribute a negative demeanor about being healthy in the physical aspect of it, I crave exercise and am actually not the most smiliest person if I have not surfed for 3 days in a row.  I really just wanted to share that it is really not all about exercise and food, it is about the total package. You have to figure out how you can be healthy, both physical as psychological because if you only take care of one and neglect the other your total healthiness will pull the shortest string.

Processed with Rookie Cam

My Healthy & Happy Place

Multi-Interpretable Dream Life

An often received and well-meant comment I get is that I am living the dream. This expression though is so multi-interpretable for me that I don’t even think people realize the exact content of their own words.

This mainly because my life is really not a dream. For me it is the most tangible state of being where I really try to stay close to what I want with my life. I chose to chase what my core desires, instead of what the outer-core expects. But I had to sacrifice being close to my family and friends and jump into  this big black hole called uncertainty.

The reality of it is, is that my life is just not a dream. Even though it is now featured on a pretty damn good location, it might even be more real life than anyone else’s, because I have to do it all alone. My life is mine and yours is yours. Each life is different, lived, loved, hurt and contaminated by multiple (good and bad). Each life, is infused with a good mixture of nature-nurture, throw into this mixture some different choices, or possibly heaps, and there you go: the result is different people. You and me, different. So my life might seem like a dream to you but do you really dream of my life or do you just flirt with the idea.

Next to that, I literally always brought myself with me. My problems, struggles, challenges always tagged along. Everyone will experience this while moving somewhere else, really moving not holiday-ing for 1/2 a year. So those valleys I faced as a person always remained the same. Living in a country where it is chronically warm helps. A good dose of vitamin D and sea works well for me. You might need something else but for me surfing and warm weather makes my life complete. But to remain on topic, my life is not a dream life. Money still needs to march in, in some kind of way, my insecurities still need to be swept away, love still has not flown itself into my arms and my family and best friends are still on the other side of this world.

But I live my life, I follow my instincts and chase my dreams. Those are the “dreams” though. What are yours??

Processed with Rookie Cam

That was almost like a dream

This Is Me

The acceptance who I really am has been somewhat of a challenge for me. It is a confrontational journey realizing that I will never meet up to my own high expectations of myself. I always needed to be better, faster, smarter, more intelligent, funnier, fitter, more beautiful and everything else that starts with more or ends with –er. The outlook of living my life and  failing to be this “perfect” human being was actually dragging me into a downwards spiral. I did not like myself too much to be honest. On the other side though, I was always able to look at it from the other side. Whatever one side of my brain was telling me, the other side always stayed strong. It remained positive and kept embracing the many opportunities that crossed my path and tried to see life from the bright side even though I found life a pretty hard one. As I chased down perfection, I always knew deep down inside that I deserved better then the view of myself that was deeply imprinted into my head. I fought the hard battle and finally decided to let go, to just let life come to me and accept me for me.

Not soon after this mind-shift, I quit my job. And as my mind shifted further, the perception of how perfect “me” should be, shifted as well. My energy was focused on those qualities that I have and appreciate instead of those that I didn’t have or lacked, those that made me imperfect. It has been a hard road mentally. Changing your attitude towards yourself if you have been actively proofing yourself the opposite for 36 year, will definitely not happen over night.

Luckily, I am gifted with some good old strong will-power, McGyver-like survival mode capacities and a bundle of positivity that gave and still give me strength to really love and live my life. Embracing everything that enters my path, worked hard without complaints, surround myself with amazing people and always keep smiling. Yes smiling heals.

It is this time of the year that I always look back in awe on how much I have grown from the head person that I was into someone that can really feel. The road I travelled makes me miss my dearest friends and family but for me it was a necessary step to really be me. It is beyond my own imagination that I am able to proudly say This Is Me, the wandering, full of energy, jaw-hurting smiling, wave hunting, hard working, smoothie making, apple loving, good set of brains equipped, die-hard loyal, never complaining, beanie making, travel addicted natural beautiful ME. The perfect imperfect ME.

 

IMG_2441.png

 

Confrontation Necesitas

Normally, I am the kind of person that is pretty straight forward when people treat me bad. Literally, if you stab me in the back, if you screw me over or if you take advantage of my loyalty, you are out. I will confront you, get it out of my system and then you are out. It works well for me because, I just do not want and need people in my life that are not genuine. I treat people the way I would like to be treated, it’s an expectation that I find reasonable within friendships and even business relations. Over the past years I did become a bit more forgiving though. Every one is only human and should deserve a 2nd chance. Fuck, I also need 2nd chances sometimes. Nevertheless, there is always a scar and memory in the back of my head, so regaining real trust is not working out that well.

A couple of months ago, I got ripped off really badly, I trusted someone and in some way I was a bit naïve, but surely I never expected to be treated like I was. Once it happened and there was no communication anymore, just because the person in question did not reply anymore, I first just walked away. His actions had quite a bit of impact though, I felt horrible just because I never was able to confront him. He just got away with it. 1 week ago I saw that he was in his office and in the blur of the moment, I turned my bike around and just went in. It was the best feeling ever, to just get it out. To tell him how he fucked up and fucked me over, to see how he felt cornered and maybe/probably even ambushed. It solved my own feelings ,where I blamed myself for the situation he brought me into. It was eating away in my mind and just because of that confrontation I was able to put the whole occurrence in the closet, throw the key away and move forward. Cheers to confrontations and just get it out there, try it yourself.

Anna_Profile

Dust Clears

It’s a one of those days. Where all stuff comes together. You talk to your bestie in Holland, you reminisce, think everything through and again there is just one conclusion: all just freakin’ works. I am content and happy in my general state of mind. My dust is clearing.

Driving through the outskirts of Denpasar with Clean Bandit’s “Dust Clears” pumping through my headphones and it just gives me goose bumps. I live the life I want. It is not perfect yet but hey I know that it will never will. I can only try to make it as perfect as I deserve it to be. Life has thrown some serious stuff (aka shit) at me, I am fighting to make it all work, but the biggest change is that this fight is not every day anymore. And that is why this song just almost makes me cry. Sometimes it just fells as if it gets harder but, like the lyrics say, it is just because you restarted. And trust me, I totally restarted my life, my entire life. I re-boothed my systems and am learning to love my life and more importantly learn and experience to love me. Embracing the fact that I am an awesome human being, that I am pretty successful in how I want to be successful. Again, it can all be better. I could be healthier, I could be more loving to me instead of others, I could stop worrying, but in the end, I am doing a pretty good job in changing the old setting and living my life. I am healthy because I love me, because I make decisions that are good for me and because I can not be bothered about other people’s opinion. The realization that my situation was not getting anywhere back at home (again those lyrics), and that I had the courage to just pack my bags and go, see whatever happens, that is what gives me goose bumps. That you, and only you have the power to do that. That there will always be things that you want to adjust or love to see different, leave it there, it will come when it comes. For now it is pretty damn ok.

My dust is clearing and really I would love to invite you to look at your own life and see how much dust is still hanging over there that needs to start moving into another direction.

IMG_8332

Inspiration & Wandering Soul Pur Sang

It’s Throwing-It Back-Tuesday-time. I wanted to just dedicate this post to my partner-in-crime Steffie. We started TWS to share our wandering adventures a bit more than a 1 ½ year ago. Heaps has changed since that more-than-a-year, but we are where we need to be, where we want to be.

Steffie you are an inspiration to many, i am definitely not the only one. You have managed to set up your own Rooftop-yoga classes in Hong Kong  and encourage & coach people to live the life they deserve. The life they dream of but feel to restricted to live.. That is a present for those that cross you on their path. For me you are 1 huge inspiration, and that will never change wherever our journeys take us. We have our common grounds, our souls, our passions. For us it will definitely include Yoga, Surf and Coconuts. We both want to become the best versions of ourselves, different paths, different journeys, different challenges, and hey…we are growing as human beings and more and more happy at the place where we are today.

Steffie, love ya to the moon and back!! You’re a wandering soul pur sang and try to get everything out of each day. What I treasure most is the fact that we accept our differences, that we are both on this different journey called life. Fuck yeah, how awesome is that. That I have friends like you around me that accept you as being you and support you to follow your dreams and live life to the fullest. Love ya and wish you everything you wish for.

The Wandering Souls